Rhapsody in Black
by Marauderpilot
Summary: Aeryn remembers


Title: Rhapsody in Black  
By Marauderpilot (marauderpilot@yahoo.com)  
  
Rating: PG? No violence, implied sex. So if you watch Farscape, I'm sure you can cope with this.  
Spoilers: Various. Umm.. Rhapsody in Blue. Seasons 1 and 2 only.  
Archiving: Just let me know first, please.  
Category: Post ep/Ep Filler. Angst. Aeryn POV.  
Summary: Aeryn remembers.  
Disclaimer: Farscape and all characters in this story are not owned by me. I make no money, etc, etc. I'll give them all back when I'm done, with only minor emotional scarring. Alright, major emotional scarring.  
Author's note: Give me Feeeeedbaaack! And this is my first ever fic, so please be nice, if you can. Or at least tactful.  
  
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She fell forward onto his chest, gasping for breath. She couldn't stay idle for long though, and raised her head to gently kiss his forehead, and then kiss her way down his face to his mouth.   
  
They kissed again, the passion amazing her; it had never been like this before. Their connection was strong, and it was an emotional connection as well as physical. She had never felt anything like it, and it sometimes frightened her. It felt strange to admit that she was afraid of herself, of her own emotions, but that was what it was. One of the few fears that she couldn't confront. And it was all his fault. She smiled briefly at that thought, but them remembered that thinking was a bad idea.   
  
The atmosphere in the room felt oppressive, he seemed to be some kind of focus for all the emotion on the entire frelling ship, and it made her head hurt. For a while she had felt like she just wanted to be herself again. When she was with him she felt different. And it felt too good. She was afraid that if she let herself enjoy the feeling, it would change her permanently. He made it difficult for her to think, and being able to think clearly was essential at the moment, however painful it was. She had to think to get through the next arn or so, and then maybe the agony and the churning in her stomach would go away. She needed it to go away. She couldn't live like this, it was too hard, and she was afraid.   
  
But the fear would go away soon. She had already made sure that it wouldn't plague her any longer. No more fear of her emotions, no more fear that she would be changed. It was inevitable now, their fate was already sealed.   
  
Tormented by herself, suddenly she could not bear to be so close to him. She pushed herself up and rolled off him to one side. He smiled, and moved to kiss her again, but she stood up instead.  
  
"Aeryn..."  
  
She turned round to face him. He was probably expecting that she would try and leave. She had done that before. But not this time.   
  
"Aeryn, you know you don't have to go."  
  
"I'm not leaving. But we need to talk."  
  
He nodded, clearly having no objection to that. Talking was, after all, something he enjoyed.  
  
She padded naked towards the pile of clothing on the floor, and sorted out the pieces that belonged to her. There was a noise behind her as he threw the bed covering to the floor and came up to stand behind her. She ignored him and started pulling on her underwear.   
  
He took hold of her, forcing her to turn round and look at him. She managed to meet his eyes, but only for a microt. Just looking into his eyes created horrible sensations in her stomach, and a knifing pain in her heart. For a few moments it cut even deeper than the fear. She shook her head, trying to clear it, and pushed him down back onto the bed. He sat down and she positioned herself behind him, reaching up to massage his neck. This was it, she'd made her choice, there was no turning back now.   
  
"I want to go with you."  
  
"You mean that? What about flying, prowlers?"  
  
Everything beyond that was blurred. She had tried to justify her decision, then tried to put things right, but she was out of time. The only thing that was clear from then on was the pain, agonising emotional pain that she couldn't understand, and his face as the guards Crais had brought took him away. She realised she had made a mistake, the fear and pain hadn't gone away, if anything it was even worse. She responded to She closed her eyes, and her world seemed to start to shake around her.  
  
----  
  
She opened her eyes, waking with his name on her lips.  
  
"No! Velorek..."  
  
Her eyes were greeted by Moya's gold walls. They were shaking violently, and after throwing off the confusion left behind by the dream, she got out of bed and ran to her clothes. That was a very odd feeling. She couldn't remember the last time she had dreamed, it must have been cycles ago. Peacekeepers weren't supposed to dream. She filed the dream in a corner of her mind that she had reserved for such disturbing thoughts, and skidded out of her cell, pulling her top on as she ran.   
  
She reached command, and sure enough the shaking sensation was because of Starburst, and Pilot informed her that it had been initiated by Moya. This was an unusual situation, and she forced herself to focus. Emotions were not apropriate when action might be required. She concentrated on what was going on, brushing off Crichton's trivial questions about underwear. Hmm. What was Crichton talking about now? Seems they had all had dreams, of the last time they had been with someone they cared about too. She could not bring herself to call it love.  
  
"What about you girls? Sex dreams?"  
  
She had been expecting the question, and she had practised keeping her expression neutral for so long, it was easy not to react. Her past was not something they needed to know about.  
  
"I sleep soundly."  



End file.
